You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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