Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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