you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
