He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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