i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I didn't notice because vodka
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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