I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
