I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
