I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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