I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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