Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
