I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
