Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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