He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I supernannyed him into submission
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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