I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
being pregnant is like rehab
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
