The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We are two peas in an std pod
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
