Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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