I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
