i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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