It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
