Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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