I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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