you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The beer is more important than you right now.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
