Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
