I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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