I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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