I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
