my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
