he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
