I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
