it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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