he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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