can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
