my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
