too bad you live with your parents still
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
not ubering you a puppy
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
