Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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