So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Can you bring me the toilet please
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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