i permit you to call me
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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