spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
