I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
