his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Randomize
