If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
