Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
