If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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