Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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