I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
