is your mom at the bar?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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