Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
