my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
