So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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