Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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