I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
