why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
