Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I love how my cats smell like pot.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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