she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
