Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
