The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i dont even know how to be here
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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