In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
