I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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