Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
