I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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